‘It’s just a girl thing, they’re like that’. An exploration into men’s experiences of difficult relationships with women: A qualitative study

Abstract

This qualitative study interviewed heterosexual men (n=12) who had experienced a difficult relationship with a woman, one defined as ‘emotionally difficult, but without the presence of physical abuse’. The paper’s thematic analysis describes three main themes (the meaning of difficult relationships; the immediate impact; the longer-term impact) and two higher order themes (gendered standards and power imbalance). The men experienced controlling, shouting and blocking behaviours which had immediate and longer-term negative effects. Their relationships were underpinned by double standards of behaviour and a power imbalance. They tended to normalise these experiences, reducing their victim status and making their partner’s behaviour more acceptable. Accordingly, as the literature has been reluctant to accept men as victims, so are the men themselves.

Keywords: relationships, abuse, masculinity, shame, qualitative